Blogalicious.

Little demons.

Recently I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about my life how it is and what I need to do to improve myself, because I’m not particularly content with where things are going. I seem to have some personal issues that are holding me back (mostly psychological) and I know I need to work through them now instead of just wishing I could. Not going to get into the particulars because this post is not meant to be entirely confessional, it’s just for me really. 

I just have this nagging feeling that I’m not making the most of my life and I’m stuck in a bit of a rut really, I have all these ideas of stuff I might want to do/be but because I haven’t tried to do most of it, I’m no further forward in determining what I ultimately want to be. Part of me wants to get out there, face my fears and get over this once and for all. The rest of me (the larger fraction) is just scared: fear of failure, fear that my anxiety will beat me, fear of letting myself down. It’s pathetic, I should just fucking do something about it. If I really want to change myself for the better then I need to start making changes in my life (despite myself), even small changes can help in the long term

It’s just not easy when you’re up against yourself.

I’ll probably regret posting this shit tomorrow morning but right now I feel better, so that’s all that matters.